Expectations

I remember chatting with a friend a few years ago and she looked very down in the mouth, "What's wrong?" I asked her, "I'm suffering from expectations!" was her reply. I loved this answer, it was so honest and demonstrated that she was taking 100% responsibility for the experiences in her life.

I had a bout of expectations at the weekend. It was my 50th birthday party, well actually it was a 90th birthday party as I was celebrating it with a close friend who was 40. He very generously had lent me five years so were saying we were 45 each! Anyway, here we are in the south of Spain, two very good friends had lent us their magnificent villa overlooking the marina and I had built up in my mind this wonderful party around the pool. Sunshine sparkling on the water and a balmy evening with us outside under the stars.

It rained! Not only did it rain, but it rained cats and dogs and horses, and donkeys and mules! At the same time it blew, a lot, rather like the wind tunnels that they test cars in. Get the picture?

Where were my expectations then? For a while I got very disappointed and because of that wasn't really enjoying myself. I was like the little girl who won't play 'cos it's not the game she wanted. All I could focus on was the fact that it wasn't as I had planned. Luckily someone pointed out early on that I was surrounded by the same good friends who would have been outside had the sun shone, and instead were all around a roaring log fire and were having fun. At that point I was able to drop the bout of expectation I was putting myself through and join in the party – and it was fun!

Where do your expectations trip you up in life? What are they stopping you enjoying or participating in? How different would your every day experience be if you weren't caught up in the expectation of how it should be? Can you drop them and join the party?


If you would like to explore how coaching can empower you to create what you want in your life please feel free to contact me to arrange a time for me to call you for a free introductory session. Tel +34 958 639 593 or click here to email me

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If you would be interested in attending the Breakthrough to Success seminar mentioned in previous blogs the next one in London is in June and there are quite a few happening in Australia and New Zealand this spring. please click this link and you can enrol for free for the next event in either the UK, Ireland, USA or Australia. Please feel free to pass this invitation onto as many people as you like.

How we see the world

Our world is as we see it, that is a statement that is made a lot by people nowadays. What does it mean though? Does it mean we can make our own judgement on what we see happening in the world? Or perhaps it means that we give our own meaning to what we see happening. Either of these statements is true but there is also a literal meaning to this.

We have over 2 millions bits of information coming towards us every second of every day. Now if we were aware of all those bits of information we surely would go mad. In fact we only become aware of around 130 bits of information per second. What happens to the rest? Well, we filter it out. Our attitudes, beliefs, programming, decisions, memories language, values and even our energy in this time space continuum act as filters to most of this information coming our way. We even have this in our language – the phrase of the 'rose tinted glasses' allude to the filters in front of our eyes.

So truly, yes, the world is as we see it and we see it through our own personal, individual, unique filters. No wonder we can't agree on what is going on! However once we are aware of this filtering process we can become aware of the filters we have. And, once we become aware of them we can change them.

A good friend of mine, Matt, told me a story that is a great example of once you start looking for something, then you often notice it more than you ever did before. He told me that his next-door neighbour was building a birdbath in his garden and using a whole load of little broken off tiles. Matt asked him where he got the tiles from and the neighbour said from the street corner – there is lots of building going on and they are everywhere. Now Matt had never noticed this before and said so but the neighbour said that because you weren’t looking for them. Ever since that day Matt sees hundreds of little broken off tiles in street corners. Once it entered his awareness he could see them, whereas before he simply didn’t have that filter on his vision.

This applies to everything in our lives. And the great thing is that once you get this idea you can begin to see the filters you have in place that don’t serve you very well. Are you looking for triumph or disaster? Abundance or lack? Laughter or sadness? What filters do you have running right now? Are they serving you well? Would you prefer some new ones?

What are you seeing in front of your eyes?


If you would like to explore how coaching can empower you to create what you want in your life please feel free to contact me to arrange a time for me to call you for a free introductory session. Tel +34 958 639 593 or click here to email me


If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment - the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or email me with Alert in the subject line.



If you would be interested in attending the Breakthrough to Success seminar mentioned in previous blogs the next one in London is in June and there are quite a few happening in Australia and New Zealand this spring. please click this link and you can enrol for free for the next event in either the UK, Ireland, USA or Australia. Please feel free to pass this invitation onto as many people as you like.

The Mirror

Well it has been a while since I have written, busy times right now, but it is nice to be back.

I’ve had an interesting situation develop in the last week that has gotten me to thinking. I have had someone book two sessions for coaching and not turn up or even acknowledge my phone calls. Naïve I might be, but this always shocks me when someone doesn’t honour my time or my contribution.

But in the time old way of tradition of self enquiry it also got me to thinking that this, on one level, is a reflection of me. So, who or what am I not honouring? I cast around for the answer and it didn’t take me too long to see what it was showing me. I have just entered a very busy phase of the year and I have been planning out my time to ensure that I can cover all that needs to get done. I did some goal setting and action steps and put some timelines to them and then promptly ignored rather a lot them! I didn’t honour my own commitments.

These experiences are always a good wake up call. By using the specifics of the situation, i.e. not feeling honoured, and doing the inner enquiry – what is that showing me – I get a much deeper insight and see that it is mirroring something I am doing. Once I see this I can correct it. This a good reminder that our outer world is always a mirror, it’s just whether we are willing to look into it and learn.

What’s your mirror showing you right now? Does it need polishing or is it sparkling?


If you would like to explore how coaching can empower you to create what you want in your life please feel free to contact me to arrange a time for me to call you for a free introductory session. Tel +34 958 639 593 or click here to email me


If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment - the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or email me with Alert in the subject line.



If you would be interested in attending the Breakthrough to Success seminar mentioned in previous blogs the next one in London is in June and there are quite a few happening in Australia and New Zealand this spring. please click this link and you can enrol for free for the next event in either the UK, Ireland, USA or Australia. Please feel free to pass this invitation onto as many people as you like.

Indulgences

Just had a lovely lunch with a friend and at one point we were talking about indulgences. This was mainly because she had brought a lovely chocolate pudding – one of those scrummy ones where there is cake outside and melted chocolate inside – and we all agreed that sometimes indulgences are simply a good thing! Good for the mood, good for the emotions and good for the soul.

In the world of “this is bad for you and that is bad for you” life can become a bit bland. However life is much more fun when we allow ourselves to indulge and enjoy things occasionally. It is also much easier for us to change our patterns of behaviour when we give ourselves a bit of slack. If an iron rod is being used to enforce change we will, very easily, go into the rebel position and run off fast in the other direction. If however we allow a bit of latitude it is much easier to stay pretty much on the path we have chosen. All things in moderation can be a great motto.

Take chocolate for an example – I could very easily eat it daily. In fact I have done this and seen tighter trousers as the result! But to ban it totally from my life would feel very harsh and I would be more likely to go on a chocolate binge. But to allow it in occasionally, and really enjoy it totally guilt free when I do, has allowed me to cut back on the chocolate by at least 90%. Result? An occasional indulgence of chocolate and I don’t resent the lack of it at other times in my life.

This way of being is helpful in many areas of life. I always say to my clients that if they wish to find a way to change an old habit or pattern find the way of least resistance. And - this is really important - really enjoy the indulgences you allow yourself. There is no point in having them and feeling bad, relish them to the full. You end up being more relaxed about what you wish to change in your life, really enjoying the things you do have rather then feeling bad about them, and that in itself is a huge improvement.

So go on enjoy those things you love when you chose to indulge and feel your world lighten up a bit. Go on – you’re worth it!

I won’t be around for a couple of weeks as we are travelling in Switzerland and then a week on the ski slopes. See you again at the end of the month.

I invite you to the Breakthrough to Success seminar mentioned in previous blogs please click this link and you can enrol for free for the next event either in the UK, Ireland, USA or Australia. Please feel free to pass this invitation onto as many people as you like.


If you would like to explore how coaching can empower you to make the changes you truly want in your life please feel free to contact me to arrange a time for me to call you for a free introductory session. Tel +34 958 639 593 or click here to email me


If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment - the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or email me with Alert in the subject line.

Weighing the Balance

I had an interesting conversation this week about finding the balance between living a simpler lifestyle and still being fulfilled on all levels. Often we can bring different elements into our lives; downsizing, working part time to spend more time with the family, reducing our carbon footprint, sustainable living, growing your own veg, and on one level it can be very fulfilling.

However as human beings we are also set up to want to face challenges, to have to think outside the box, find solutions, learn new things. Without that expansion in our lives we can feel stagnant. In the conversation I was having it was evident that although the lifestyle was great there was something missing and eventually the phrase intellectual challenge popped up.

We are designed to achieve, our self-esteem soars when we do and we get stimulated with more thoughts and ideas. I know from my own experience that when I see no new challenge ahead I feel uncomfortable as though something is missing. It is like I have no forward focus and although I love what I do for a living I need to keep adding to that to expand and grow.

Expansion – in this ever expanding Universe - is our essence. When we are stimulated we constantly send off rockets of desires for new things or experiences and achievements. We need these to feel as though life is moving forward. Not in a frenzied, without this I am nothing feeling, but in a deep feeling of inner growth.

So if you don’t have a new horizon beckoning this year maybe you’d like to have a think about what you would like to add to the mix for 2008? What one thing have you been talking about for a while now but never actually started? What challenge would you like to take on and conquer? It could be anything, a new skill, a new hobby or deeper learning. Part of our fulfilment is this expansion – give it a direction.

To help focus that challenge perhaps you’d like to attend the Breakthrough to Success seminar mentioned in previous blogs please click this link and you can enrol for free for the next event in either the UK, Ireland, USA or Australia. Please feel free to pass this invitation onto as many people as you like.


If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment - the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or email me with Alert in the subject line.


If you would like to explore how coaching can empower you to focus on moving towards that place of joy in your life please feel free to contact me to arrange a time for me to call you for a free introductory session. Tel +34 958 639 593 or click here to email me

Who is most important you - or them?

The themes that come up in my coaching from week to week often intrigue me. This week has been about making decisions and who for.

We are often taught to put others first when making decisions, it leads to a polite, caring society. However it also leads to frustration, resentment and a feeling of victim when we put others first to the detriment of ourselves.

When a truly personal decision is important then the only people who should count are the people it directly entails. Point in case I was talking to a client about her wedding plans. Many people wanted different things for different reason and everybody had an opinion as to what the wedding should be like, who should be going and the arrangements of the celebration. When we talked it through it became clear that in fact none of the options that had been discussed were what the couple wanted. They began to see that it was only because they were trying to please other people, people who they loved dearly, that they were contemplating a wedding that did not give them pleasure and only felt stressful. So we came up with a formula to help the decision making process, a wedding should be special to the couple and no one else. It should feel exciting and relaxed. It was their day.

I am not saying we should disregard other opinions, but if we start living our lives to please others then we are setting ourselves up for a fall. This life is ours to experience, ours to explore and ours to enjoy. It is only a belief that we have to live it to please others and as with all beliefs we can choose it either believe it or not. I choose not. I have found that by making decisions for me that in fact it is always the best decision. Our true friends only want our happiness and, even if it doesn’t seem so at first, most of our families are the same. By showing the world how happy we are with our own decisions the world applauds, and joins in.

Live life full on, fulfilling your dreams not another’s, and you will live your life to the end with a WOW, that was a good one, feeling.



If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment - the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or email me with Alert in the subject line.


If you would like to explore how coaching can empower you to focus on moving towards that place of joy in your life please feel free to contact me to arrange a time for me to call you for a free introductory session. Tel +34 958 639 593 or click here to email me


UPCOMING COURSE IN THE UK – MARCH 14 – 16 If you would be interested in attending the Breakthrough to Success seminar mentioned in previous blogs please click this link and you can enrol for free for the next event in either the UK, Ireland, USA or Australia. Please feel free to pass this invitation onto as many people as you like.

Living life to the full

A bit late with the blog this week and I have a great reason – we’ve been skiing with some friends and fun took precedence!

We were a mixed group of skiers, some virtually born to it and one member of our party had never been on skies before. He took to it like a duck to water and this was all the more amazing as he is not a spring chicken!

Made me think about how often we limit ourselves and use our age as an excuse. ‘Oh, I can’t learn to do that- I’m far too old!’ ‘Can’t teach an old dog new tricks’. ‘I’m way past the days when I could pick up a new skill’. And the truth of the matter is that if you think that, then that is absolutely right. As Henry Ford once said; whether you think you can do something or you think you can’t, you are right.

My friend came up the mountain and had the wonderful mindset that he was going to be ‘a natural’. Any fear he felt he put to one side and simply went for it 100%. It paid off handsomely and after a two-hour lesson he was up on the main slope with us. By the end of the afternoon he was snow-ploughing his way down the mountain turns and all. Not bad for three hours on skis. His positive mental attitude and the determination to learn to ski overcame anything getting in the way. After one day he was hooked and ready to go back and get better and better. That achievement in itself is a great motivator.

So, what are you not attempting, not going for, not learning? What excuses are your favourites? Maybe age but also maybe fear, or shyness, or lack of confidence? As my friend proved if you adopt the right mental mindset and just go and do it then all those elements are overcome. We learn and grow through the doing. What new experience is waiting out there if you were just brave enough to dive in?




If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment - the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or email me with Alert in the subject line.


If you would like to explore how coaching can empower you to focus on moving towards that place of joy in your life please feel free to contact me to arrange a time for me to call you for a free introductory session. Tel +34 958 639 593 or click here to email me


If you would be interested in attending the Breakthrough to Success seminar mentioned in previous blogs please click this link and you can enrol for free for the next event in either the UK, Ireland, USA or Australia. Please feel free to pass this invitation onto as many people as you like.