Fighting Reality

You may have read or heard of the work of Byron Katie in her book Loving What Is. In it she talks about how we fight the reality of certain situations when all the evidence in front of our eyes is to the opposite.

I saw a huge example of this happening this week when a friend called to ask for help as an old partner had come back into her life and was refusing to leave her house. Not only refusing to leave but also refusing to accept that a long-standing relationship was over. We went along to help mediate the situation and it was painful to watch someone in such distress as they fought with reality. He stood there and kept repeating what he wanted to believe rather than what was the truth, and I saw that he thought if he said it often enough it would become true. It was such a stark illustration of how powerful our minds can be when we get hold of an idea. Just a as dog worries at a bone our minds tussle with a thought and cannot accept what is happening in plain sight.

What was challenging in this situation was that however the facts were presented, whatever way we tried to help him see that what he wanted was simply not going happen his mind would not let him hear it. He was deaf to what was obvious to others around him. It was like he was fighting blindfolded, his thoughts blinding him to what was true. It gave me a great insight into how intractable we can be as human beings. I saw how strong our ability is to fight with the reality of a situation and how negative an effect that can have on our lives.

By creating this fight sure, we cause problems for others like my friend, but even more we create problems and negativity for ourselves. The pain is ours, the stress and anxiety is ours, and the fear and anger is all ours. And, we have created it through our refusal to accept what is.

It was real reminder to be vigilant for where I fight reality, to watch out for those times that I am shouting NO at something that simply is. Instead I want to be more open to working with reality rather than fighting it.

Yesterday I had one of those days that I might have fought with in the past, hassly stuff like cars breaking down and not having the right papers in the car. In the past I would have had a right old rant, instead, we took deep breaths, worked with what was happening and in the end it all turned out well and really easily. A good start to a new resolution.

Have you had situations recently where you’ve been fighting with what is? Can you see a way you could stop resisting and start working with rather than against? Please do share your experiences with others; it is hearing how others handle these kinds of situations that we all learn.


If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment, the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or emailing me at jessica@jessicamcgregorjohnson.com with Alert in the subject line.

Being true to you

I was thinking about what has been a recurrent theme this week with my clients as that often informs the content of this blog. There didn’t seem to be one specific idea but as I thought about it more deeply what did seem highlighted was the theme of being true to you.

With one person it was being true to themselves in following a strong gut feeling, an intuition, that although would create a tricky conversation would, in the end, save hours or even years of heartbreak.

With another it was learning to be open and honest in conversation, no more hesitant speaking thinking they were being clear but in fact were smudging what was being said for fear of a consequence. This person had learnt that in fact it made life much easier when they spoke out clearly and confidently. It saved ruffled feathers and made work much more efficient and fun. And, it wasn’t so scary as originally thought. Again this was an illustration of being true to ourselves.

Another person learnt that if they stayed open and didn’t play the ‘pleasing others’ game they drew towards them genuine and loving people. In this they had managed to break and old pattern of unavailable but needy people in their life and draw in new people who resonated with their new open way of being.

In all these situations it illustrated that if we allow old fears of being true to us, fears of us not being enough get in the way, life can become complicated and unsatisfactory. It shifts when we finally say I am great as I am and have no need to hide any of me.

Are there bits of you hiding right now, playing hide and seek? Could you let them out to play? Who would you draw into your life if all of you showed up?


If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment; the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or emailing me at jessica@jessicamcgregorjohnson.com with alert in the subject line.

If you would like to explore how coaching could support in creating the life you want please email me at jessica@jessicamcgregorjohnson.com

Surrender

Just got back to Spain after three weeks in a rather rainy and cold Switzerland. Forgot the warm clothes too which was a lesson in being more aware and digging out my memory of rainy summers, but that’s another story. We arrived back into 37 degrees C and a high humidity - a little bit of a shock. Not because we don’t know that Spain is hot, but because we normally work up to these levels of heat rather than suddenly enter it.

So what has that to do with surrender? Well I had to remember that the way I deal with the heat (and believe me I like it, but it is an adjustment) is that I have to surrender to it. I have to stop fighting it. The first year here when I first encountered the heat I realised that this was it for about three months. I could either accept it or fight it. Fighting felt rather hot work so surrender I did.

In that surrender I found an inner coolness. I found that I could act appropriately for the climate and give myself the extra time to accomplish what I needed to do. With the lack of fight I found I had more energy and could actually accomplish more, I could find a new way of dealing with things. So how does this translate to dealing with other situations?

Surrender to what is happening in any given situation can give you the space and coolness to see a new way of handling something. It gives us back our rationality rather than the childish fighting against what is. By surrendering we can take the heat out of something and see it in a different light. Now don’t get me wrong I am not talking about being a doormat, but rather changing our position so that we can actually take responsibility for our part in any given occurrence. We immediately put ourselves into the present moment and that, always without exception, gives us the next action.

So, are you fighting something right now? Are you pushing against something that is simply immovable? Would surrendering to it and seeing it from different place help? Perhaps you can allow it to flow through and out of your life by stopping the resistance you feel. How much cooler would that be?


If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment; the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or emailing me at jessica@jessicamcgregorjohnson.com with alert in the subject line.

Saying Goodbye

Not sure what this weeks topic is, nothing seems to stand out unless I think about a recurring conversation I’ve had with my clients this week which has been around how life changes around us as we grow and change.

The main feeling has been one of saying goodbye to people in our lives. One person said to me that they went to a party and stood on the sidelines and they could no more go up to the old friends who were there as they could approach him. It was as though something had shifted and they no longer touched on a vibrational level.

Similarly another person told me how he had been invited to a party with old friends and how in the past he would have gone but felt no impulse to make the effort and drive the couple of hours it would have taken to join in, although in the past it wouldn’t have even been a question.

So why is it? Why do we find that people leave our lives for seemingly no reason at all? My understanding is that as we follow our self-enquiry, as we look inside and learn about ourselves we begin to vibrate at a different density. It is our initial vibration that attracted people into our lives in the first place, and so as we grow and change so does our vibration. It is like we cannot touch those who do not move in the same direction as us. Often people will find it sad and difficult and try to hold onto the old friends. It is also possible that there may be some people which they make the decision that they want to keep a contact with even if it feels different, they are important to them and worth the effort. Others will simply slip away and the best thing we can do is to let them. For when one person slips off our screen another can enter and we can draw towards us new people who do resonate with us and who do bring a new energy into our lives. It is these people that we now attract and it is these that we can now not only receive from but give to. With them we will grow, open new doors and explore new heights.

So if you are feeling sad at moving on from old friends just take a few moments to inwardly thank them for walking the road with you thus far and wave them off with love, and turn, and look and see who is coming towards you, who you are attracting into your life.

If this message has sparked your interest and made you think then please feel free to leave a comment; the more the merrier. If you would like to be informed when a new blog is posted please sign up for the blog alert by clicking the link (above to the right) or emailing me at jessica@jessicamcgregorjohnson.com with alert in the subject line.